Weigh Day! (Week 16)

September 29, 2009

148.2

I hit my next decade! Do you realize that it’s only 3 pounds until Transition?! I may be able to hit that by NEXT WEEK! I’m going to have to work really hard and exercise and drink a ton of water! Man I’m excited!

I was pretty worried that I might not get a good loss this week, but not only did I break my decade, but I dropped 3.2 pounds which, at this stage in my weight loss program, is very impressive! Even the doctor remarked at how well I’ve done.

So I did have to leave work a bit early today so that I could get to Good Samaritan in time for my blood draw AND an EKG. For some reason, at the 50-pound mark they want to make sure your heart works right.

So that all went fine and my entire group lost weight. And the two self-declared “Lifers” lost 3 and 4 pounds, which energized them to succeed more. I was so excited for them, too! I want them to be in Maintenance with me! I won’t know anyone and I’ll miss these people that I’ve met with in Group every week for the last seventeen weeks.

We’ve lost so many of the people I started with, I just want to hang on to the ladies who are still there! Maybe I’m just selfish, but I like things predictable when it comes to putting myself out there and they’ve gotten to know me over the last several weeks so I trust them. I hate having to start all over again with new people.

Man. I’m so close now. 8 pounds to go to goal. Of course, as I look in the mirror I can see more than that I’d like to lose, but I can do that on Maintenance. I also noticed that Maintenance isn’t going to be a monthly fee so I may be able to afford it after all.

It’s so close, I can taste it. So close!

I can’t even begin to tell you how PROUD of myself that I am. I was so scared but I did it anyway. Go me! What a warrior! I haven’t been this low in weight since either 1999 or just out of high school. Of course, back then I thought it was the end of the world to be 140 pounds. What a dork I was. I had no idea what “being fat” truly was.

I just thank God that I didn’t eat myself into a permanent self-inflicted disease or ailment. It could have happened!

I guess pictures are in order tomorrow. That is something I can’t put off. I’ll do measurements, too, but I don’t think that they will vary all that much from last month.

Sleepy. Goodnight. 🙂

The 50-Pound Spa Treat!

September 26, 2009

It’s pretty hard to find a way to congratulate yourself on a job well done without throwing food (or cake) into the mix, but an hour and a half massage and a two-hour facial and a wonderful hair wash and style is pretty effective!

Oh man do I like pampering myself.

The massage was first and it was perfect after a week of Pavels and getting into weight lifting a bit more this week and that Pilates class on Thursday. I was feeling tight behind my shoulders and this was the perfect remedy. I was so excited about my massage that I even shaved my legs first. I’ll tell you right now, that’s dedication.

Then I got my wash and blow-out to straighten my unruly tresses (and enjoy the BEST part of the salon experience, which is a really good and thorough hair wash and scalp massage), which took just over an hour because I have a lot in insanely long and thick hair.

Then, missing out on a shake but having no time to get one in, I drove to Tranquility Day Spa and had a heavenly facial with Nancy who is as professional and friendly as she is talented. No lie. She is amazing.

By the time I got home I was glowing, relaxed, and ready for a nap – which is kind of ironic since I was either lying down or sitting for most of my day!

Interesting tidbit: I wore on of my Size Large Del Sol t-shirts today (they used to be too tight even at a large) and felt “dumpy” because it was straight cut from underarm to waist. It wasn’t fitted enough around the waist for my liking! Ha ha! Would you ever think I could have thought that four months ago?!

Not in a million years!

It’s amazing how much my confidence goes up every week and, even though I see problem areas, I’m so happy with how I look I wonder why I waited so long to help myself feel this way.

I see now that the neverending cycle of overindulgence, shame, low self-esteem, overindulgence… It really is NOT worth eating whatever I want, whenever I want, and in however big portions I want. I have to remember this moment when my big eyes see a plate of deliciousness and want to inhale without chewing or eater’s remorse. Because Eater’s Remorse may hide out for a little while, but it comes calling eventually. Oh yes, it does.

Those two Devin Alexander cookbooks came today and they look great! Between those and my Weight Watchers cookbooks, I think I have some good food ideas for when I need to start meal-planning again.

All in all, a decadent and satisfying celebration to my extremely hard work. I’m very proud of myself and I am beginning to truly believe that not only do I deserve to finally feel good about myself, but I’m turning into a bit of a hottie in my own eyes! And I’m a tough critic!

What progress, from the inside out.

The Final Stretch

September 26, 2009

It truly is the final stretch to AT LEAST Transition. Hopefully on Tuesday I will break my next decade, too. Then that will put me into a goal stretch in the single digits. Which is obviously less than double digits.

I was warned but I didn’t believe. Now that I’m sooo close, I think of food all the time. And, slightly sucky, time is beginning to drag. That is not cool. Pam (therapist, if I’ve never referred to her by name before) said that some people start to cheat close to Transition because they’re so close anyway.

I thought that wouldn’t even be an issue since I’ve powered through the Program thus far. But even though I haven’t caved, and have started having foodmares again, it’s definitely becoming a gnawing dragging anchor at times. I’m not going to lie.

Mostly what I have going for me is the fact that I have this spotless record I’m too much of a goody two-shoes to want to mess it up. I want to “graduate” from the Fast Program with an A, dangit! That is both funny and tragic, all at the same time.

Pavel’s Pushup Program is in it’s second week and I went from a base of 10 pushups to 19 pushups, so needless to say, this week kicked my arse a little bit. I do feel stronger, though! I can’t see any great difference in my arms, though.

Here’s an interesting tidbit: even though I have officially lost over 50 pounds, my eyes still jump to the “problem areas” like lower belly. I’ve been fighting that lower belly since I was 10 years old. No lie. I remember moaning to myself over it at summer camp back in 1980.

Hopefully those last 11 pounds will help shrink it more, because it HAS shrunk since I started.

Night night!

Weigh Day! (Week 15)

September 22, 2009

151.4

You know, even as I type that number I am surprised and excited. Only 6 more pounds until I begin Transition! The time can’t go by quick enough. My hope is I’ll be in transition within the next three weeks. That gives me about 2 pounds per week, which, I think is generous.

So theoretically by the second week of October! Oh thank heavens! I wanted to be at least able to eat for the conference so I didn’t starve OR look like a fool. Plus, it’s the final stretch and my goal is to NOT CHEAT ONCE before I get to Transition or Maintenance.

So bored, though. I’m even beginning to grow tired of the Chocolate Pudding, but it is soooo easy when I don’t feel like inhaling an entire shake.

I ordered a couple of “diet” cookbooks which I am hoping will help me with meal strategizing once I’m on solids again. The first book is by Devin Alexander and the title has the word “decadent” in it which never fails to piqué my interest. The other one may be by her, too, but I can’t remember. I just know that I can’t go out to eat and I can’t go buy $100 worth of “stuff”, keep it in my cube, and hope I don’t blow it. No, I have realized that I’ll need to pack a lunch (with snacks) so that I don’t have anymore food than is necessary for the day. Plus it’ll save me money.

What I’ll do for dinners I’m not sure yet. Maybe I can get my husband to cook from that book or the new ones I’m ordering. I suppose it’ll depend on whether they taste diet-y or not and whether or not they are time-consuming to prepare. That’ll be the kicker. I suppose I could fall back on a shake and let him and the family do what they will, but I’m sure that won’t fly for long.

I got my vacation time for December so we will DEFINITELY be heading up to our timeshare in Lake Tahoe for early part of the month and M and R will be there, too, for as much time as they can get free so that’ll be fun.

I’m so jazzed about slimming down that I’m not only excited about using the indoor tennis court (with whomever I can drag to play with me), but also hopefully hitting the ski slopes at Heavenly which is an activity that I have not done since high school! Hope I remember how!

I can’t tell you how GOOD it feels to not be afraid of physical activity. I can’t believe I was for sooooo long. So many wasted years hating what I’d done to myself and not being able to stop.

I feel some great changes coming along and it’s not just the clothing sizes. I’m finally happy with where I am at in all aspects of my life and my self-esteem is finally at a place that makes me believe I can do anything that I put my mind to. And I am. More on that later.

I can see clearly the end of the tunnel and the sun is shining. I just have to trudge faithfully through these last steps and prepare for the next challenge: eating.

And after talking to C, it will be a daily challenge to not overeat, make good choices, enact game plans and – above all else – not fall into my old patterns. Or this will have been for nothing. That is the scariest part.

I’m getting sleepy so heading off to bed now…quite content yet anxious.

Quiet Friday

September 18, 2009

Finally! Friday! My husband us off doing D&D stuff all weekend so I get the weekend to myself! No kids either! Bliss!

I’m still doing Pavel’s Push-Up Program and I’m on Day 4 I think. Tomorrow I don’t know what I’ll do because it is, like, X number of push-ups every 30 minutes! Maybe I’ll just do 10 every hour and call it a day.

All this weight training has me sore, though. I did some Hip Extension machine at the gym and now my thighs are KILLING me. I may even take an Aleve before bed!

I wanted to get a facial tomorrow but the Esthetician I like is in a wedding so I have to wait until NEXT weekend. Sad face. 50 pounds gone and can’t even treat myself. My massage is next week, too, but I think I’m going to book an appointment tomorrow anyway because I am SORE.

I tried to trade in some of my less appetizing Supplement flavors, MNP doesn’t take them back so I have been powering through them at work to get rid of them. Gone through the Tomato and Chicken soups so now it’s just Vanilla and Strawberry shakes to get through. Then all I will have is Chocolate (my fave) and Potato (not as much). I won’t even get Potato anymore because I just can’t get into them on a regular basis and my husband hates the smell when i cook them.

Anyway, gotta run. Less than my own Driver’s Licence. Too awesome for words.

Weigh Day! (Week 14)

September 15, 2009

153.6

It’s pretty amazing the changes I’m seeing now. I’ve definitely lost weight. Well, 50 lbs I should say so! It feels like not too long ago I was freaking out starting this whole insane Boot Camp Diet and now I have – get this – 8 lbs until I move on to Transition!

8 lbs!

I’m hoping that I can bust that out in the next month.

I still have the full 13 lbs to go but AT LEAST in 8 I’ll start chewing REAL FOOD again. I dreamed about eating something sweet last night, too. Of course I felt totally guilty IN my dream as usual.

As I sit on the couch typing, I am sitting comfortably in my Size 9 Juniors 528 Skinny Levi’s jeans. Single digits, people!!! Can you imagine?!?

Success is MOTIVATING, by golly!

We are also doing this crazy push-Up challenge at work so I have been doing a lot of those. My arms desperately need them. I’m working out on weight machines as well as cardio, too, because I’m none too happy with some of the loose skin I’ve acquired over the last few months.

I still have the paunch but I guess that will be the absolute LAST thing to go, if at all. Not sure it’ll disappear for 140 lbs. I suppose if I dropped lower, but I don’t know if I could maintain that for long. Then again, who knows? I’m working out pretty consistently. I’m going to start weight training much more seriously once I start taking in decent calories. Especially that hard-core one I want to try.

I want Jillian Michaels arms !

That’ll be my new goal. And here I go getting ahead of myself again. Ugh. We lost another girl again last week: my friend C. I’m sad to see her gone from the Fasting Program but she has moved over to Better Weighs (4 shakes / 1 meal) so she isn’t leaving completely. We did lose K, though. So between M, S, S, K, and C we are getting smaller by the week!

Thank goodness L and V are still there, though, or I would be very sad. I guess moving on to Transition then Maintenance won’t be so bad because most of the people that I started with have already gone. Lonely.

I get it, though. This program isn’t for everyone and I some days don’t get why I have stuck to it so well. I’m sure that pivotal moment when my husband said NO while we were in Lake Tahoe is the reason I’ve been succesful. Otherwise I know I would have given myself permission to cheat for the sake of my birthday and it would have been allllllll over.

Of course, now that I’m looking better he is getting jealous. Too funny. I look too good and so, therefore, every guy must be ogling me everywhere I go. I’m either oblivious or it ain’t happenin’.

Mom left and she was really proud if me. I’ve gotten a few shocked looks from people that I haven’t seen in a while, too. Those feel the best. Still not broadcasting to anyone back home. I’ll just surprise them when I see them. There is a great amount of satisfaction in seeing their faces. So close to high school weight!

Get this: I now weigh LESS than my Driver’s Licence says I do!!!!!! It says I weigh 155 lbs and I’m only 153! Yes, I was “off” by 50 lbs when I went to the DMV and gave them my data. Tell me one overweight woman who hasn’t.

Anyway, my “pudding” is in the freezer about to turn into a Popsicle so I better go get it.

Yes I still owe pics !

Boredom

September 13, 2009

It’s been a long week. Now that I’m getting close to Transition it’s getting boring again. Well it never ended, really. It has been a challenging week while my mom has been here because I’ve been cooking a lot more. No hiding away while everyone else eats.

Plus I’ve gone out to resturants and just sat there watching while my family eats food I love in front of me. Excruciating. I’m sure it’s no picnic for them either. I try not to be mopey but I’m sure I don’t always succeed.

To my credit, however, through all the cooking, the restaurants, and the family meals where I’d just sit and watch, I did not cheat once. Though I can see how easily it could happen and once you start you can’t stop.

That would be the kiss of death for the Fast.

Poor C is struggling now, too. She has hit the point where she is obsessing like I was and she’s miserable. And she has a ways to go, too. It must be a time thing because she is at the point I was where it suddenly all just got harder. Strange.

I took a bunch of time off so I haven’t been at the gym but we have been going for walks. So I suspect tomorrow at the gym is going to suck a bit. But I’ll have to work hard so I can whittle down these last 16 pounds (11 if you count that I start Transition 5 pounds early).

I’m so bad I still haven’t taken my pics for September yet. But I do like wandering around in Size 11 jeans. Size 10 on certain shorts. I sure would like to get down to single digit sizes when this is all said and done though. That would be sweet.

Okay enough whining. Through all of this I am amazingly proud of myself and all that I have accomplished and the fact that I haven’t cheated once! Damn I’m amazing!

An Interesting Thing Happened on the Way to the Watering Hole

September 6, 2009

You know, every time I get fed-up with this diet or frustrated with not getting to eat “real food” (and trust me, it’s a challenge lately) something interesting happens to make it kinda worthwhile.

Okay, so I get compliments at work, which is where I spend half my life, but when I went for that hair appointment a few weeks ago my hairstylist didn’t recognize me and even though I waved right at her she never had that glimmer of “Oh, it’s you!”. I had to walk up to her and say hi and sit down in the chair before she got it. At first she said it was because she wasn’t wearing her glasses but later she admitted it was because I’d lost so much weight.

So it happened again today.

We went up to our campsite and the neighbors who live a few blocks away (and whom we’ve known for a few years) haven’t seen me since before I started the diet.

Apparently there was a big discussion over my real identity because, truth be told, I’ve lightened my hair, have bangs, and was wearing sunglasses. So I had them ask me to my face who I was! LOL!

I’m like it’s me!

So I hot massive compliments for dropping 45 pounds and was asked how I did it. I felt a bit weird because M was there and she quit the Program, which she SAYS she had to so she could cook for her husband, but I just think she didn’t want to do it. So while I was pleased as punch for all the obvious attention, I felt a bit guilty, too.

It can’t be fun seeing me losing weight every week knowing it could have been her. That would suck if it were me!

So the tough part is sucking it up until the 135 lb mark or transitioning at 140, which would be sooner back on food. I REALLY want to eat again, but that Final Five will be easier on fast than off. But I am sooooooo tired of not eating and I miss all the social stuff so this a tough decision that I face every week.

I guess I’ll fully make it when I hit that week. My friend M said, “You don’t even look heavy anymore you just look normal.”. Probably the nicest compliment she could give, except a few hours later she also said that I really didn’t look 40. I was happy about that because I really don’t FEEL 40.

By the way, I’m thinking of checking out Planet Granite now that I can probably carry my own body weight again. I’ll probably consider some downhill skiing this year, too.

Again, can you even believe these words that are coming out of my mouth? Unbelievable.

By the way, I’m starting to recognize my face again now that the fat is going away. I remember this face and have missed it so.

Loving the Size 11 jeans, too. Few more weeks until the 10s are comfortable without looking like I’m spilling out of them. Getting there. Still miss food, though, and my stomach is grumbly as we speak.

And I didn’t get any BBQ sausages or hot dogs today. I just smelled them.

Nearly bedtime.

Hope the weigh-in/lab results are good on Tuesday. I’ll also be seeing an old work friend who has no idea I’ve been losing weight so that should prove interesting.

Night!

Ugh!

September 4, 2009

I don’t know what my deal is but I have been in an atrocious mood again. I don’t know if it’s because I’m not eating real food or because the people around me are simply more annoying. Haha! Okay maybe it’s me.

It’s the weirdest thing, too, now that I have less than 20 lbs to lose. I’m actually kind of torn in two different directions. Part of me can’t WAIT until I can eat food again and part of me is terrified that I will immediately start putting on weight again. The program is so expensive that I don’t know if I could do it again.

Not only that, but it’s isolating so I don’t know that I’d want to! I’m debating how long to do Maintenance for. They say you should do it for a year but you’re still paying $200 a month for that year (and that’s only if you’re getting the discounts!). I debated doing Weight Watchers instead, but I can see myself jumping ahead and trying to talk myself out of Maintenance because I’m too cheap and probably think I got it alllll figured out.

So I won’t bail just yet. Apparently I’d start on Transition when I have the final 5 lbs to go. So theoretically in a few weeks. That’s both scary and exciting. I’m also debating opting to go down to 135 lbs rather than my goal weight of 140 lbs. It’s minor, but 135 is a “normal” BMI and 140 is still “overweight”, which I don’t like the sound of.

When you’re on a roll, may as well get to the end of the station. Plus, I’ve gotten close to the people in my Group. I’m not ready to leave them just yet. Is that weird that I’m torn like this? I would like to move on so that I can learn more about eating habits and nutrition.

My mom is coming to visit in a few days. I think she is going to be shocked. SHOCKED. I guess we will see. I’d like to have lost a bit more before she showed up, but oh well.

By the way, I went shopping today because my Size 12 jeans are getting baggy so I went to Kohl’s to pick up some Size 10s so I could work towards cramming myself in them. I ended up in the Juniors Department and found some Size 11 Skinny Super Low Cut (low cut means nothing when you go from hip to rib cage in an inch) Levis jeans. I think they’ve changed the names of them because I couldn’t find my 505 Misses Short Straight leg jeans (stretch).

Maybe they have different terms for “Juniors”. How cool is it that I was fitting into Juniors?! Maybe there is no difference except in styles, but the old woman section had some seriously atrocious rags and I don’t know if I was in the Maternity section or what but everything seemed shapeless and Muu Muu-y to me. Do you even believe the words I’m writing?

Rewind me a few months and tell me I just said clothes were too shapeless and not form-fitting enough.

I shock even myself.

I need to take pics so I’ll see if I can get my husband to snap a few this weekend.

I feel better already. Maybe I should stop torturing myself with cooking shows and cookbooks. Bet that would help my bad mood.

Can’t wait to see my mom! Or rather, can’t wait for her to see me! I bet she will be so proud!

Weigh Day (Week 13)

September 2, 2009

158.4

I got down another decade! Woo! Go me!

Actually, I’m a bit surprised I got that far since I’ve been having the MOTHER OF ALL CURSES since my cauterization surgery back in 2007 and I’m not super happy about it, I can tell you that! I feel bloated and crampy and in pain and fat and uncomfortable!

However, having said that, I also squeeeeeezed into some Size 10 shorts for Group last night. (I probably should have written this entry then since I WAS STILL AWAKE AT 4 A.M. THIS MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!)

The reason for that wasn’t the excitement I was feeling over losing enough weight to drop me into the 150s, though I was plenty excited about that. No, it was because I was in such (unexpected) pain that I made a special trip to Walgreens to pick up some Extra Strength Midol so that the clawing of my guts would end. What I didn’t realize, however, is that stuff has caffeine in it and it jacked me up and kept me jittery right until nearly the sun started rising. Ugh! How frustrating!

So I ended up crawling out of bed around 4 a.m., played around with my iPhone for an hour, took some Advil, and then lumbered back to bed and tossed and turned for another hour.

Anyway, I’m not feeling much better today. I’m in a (mildly) surprising amount of pain so I’m probably going to go home and go to bed.

But I thought you’d like to know how well I did.

Man, 18 lbs to go. That feels close! (It also feels like I want to go down to 135 instead, but we’ll see how sick of this I get.) I’m tired, in pain and cranky so ignore nearly everything out of my mouth except, ‘GO ME!’